I love Christmas! I love birthdays! I love making things! And I love giving away things which I have made!
The problem is that as we give things we also receive them. And somehow or another, year on year, very gradually, the value of the presents we buy and make gets higher.
A couple of years ago I won a £500 voucher for clothes. I spend very little on clothing so I invited three friends to share in my good luck and choose £100 worth of clothes each as my Christmas present to them. I explained to them that it was a win, that this would be a one-off, and that the following year normal service would be resumed. It seemed like a win:win - they would get a very nice gift and I wouldn't spend anything!
Two friends responded as I had hoped - I received a "normal" present from them and they were delighted with the very nice clothes they received. The third found it more difficult and felt that she had to spend nearly £100 on me! I was SO embarrassed!
So last year we had a serious discussion at my instigation. I apologised for having been tactless in giving a very expensive gift but said I thought we ought to bring the gift giving back to earth and we agreed a spending limit.
I think many adults find giving easier than receiving. There is an unspoken etiquette in gift giving between friends (I'm not talking about family or inter-generational giving) which involves giving roughly equivalent gifts. We hate to appear mean and are happy to give a gift of much higher value (taking into account making time too if we are giving home made stuff) than the one we receive but are embarrassed at the reverse.
Christmas is a time of ridiculous spending for many. The run-up to Christmas is a time of stress. Since the conversation I wrote about above I have instigated conversations with a couple of friends and I think that both of them were relieved that I raised the subject. I shall still be generous to anyone who works for me or who helps me out, and to my nearest and dearest. But I know I have arrangements with several friends to our mutual benefit.
And the best thing of all? I think that each of those conversations has deepened my friendships.
It is an expensive time of year, and whilst we cam afford to buy our grandsons the expensive gifts they want, I think it sends the wrong signals to them. We give them money each year towards the expensive item they want, but one DIL, is never happy, as everyone else buys the overpriced gifts. I can live with it, I often feel youngsters get too much too quickly, they miss on the satisfaction when they reach their target amount and can get the longed for item.
ReplyDeleteI so would like to get out of the gift giving and swaps from my siblings and husbands siblings. We all have too much stuff in general and what we need we can take car eof our own needs. I'd much rather we pool funds and have ne experiences together.
ReplyDeleteWe have very firmly said this year, that the only presents will be to grandchildren. Friends are all in agreement that we perhaps make a little something for each other.
ReplyDeleteI have very little money, so I bake for people. They seemed delighted, thank me and never consider a token gift in return. So, I quit and give the baked goods to people who have little.
ReplyDeleteMy sons always ask what I would like for Christmas and I keep the list relatively low and so far they have kept to it (well once they did go overboard when I didn't give them ideas). I always make them something and then we give them a bit of cash to buy what they want.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
Such a great idea to have a conversation with both family and friends to limit the gifts and put a budget on some. Whilst I love giving and receiving gifts I do feel that gifts are getting out of hand and the real meaning of Christmas is lost on many.
ReplyDeleteThe way I work it out with friends is to NOT exchange holiday gifts (or even birthday), but to gift things at random times.
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